The Weight of a Joke

A fine day to you, good reader! I had a very interesting discussion today with a friend of mine about humour. At first glance, humour is not something you usually give much thought to. Everybody jokes, whether it's a shared memory of a funny incident, or just some spontaneous teasing, it's perfectly natural. The question is: how far do you go with it? How far is the limit between a good joke and "going too far"?

It's not that simple. You can tease someone a few times, find them a funny nickname, but do it too much and you might actually harm them. "It was all in good fun", yeah... the first 10 times... then it went stale, then it became annoying. Or worse! What if your little teasing, "funny little nickname" actually ends up being used by others? What if you calling them "Silly Goblin" ends up how other people call them without the friendly banter?

There is no exact point where you should stop, but a general guideline is maybe the point where you see them stop laughing "with you". And, if you're unsure, you can always ask them how they feel about this. "I'm not comfortable with this joke anymore" is a good sign to stop, and, doing so, actually strengthens your bond, as you show them respect, and you honour the friendship that the joke was built on in the first place. Asking people how they feel about things is often surprising! And the connection it forms when you actually understand each other is priceless!

Now, as you might expect from me by now, I don't just want to discuss the shallow things. There's a much more serious discussion to be had about jokes and consent, something that often happens during guys' nights out (and I would expect also the female equivalent): sexist jokes, especially addressed towards people. I am referring to those jokes that label a person as "lesser" because of being a specific gender. Yeah, poking fun at a specific person for a specific thing they actually do, like the coworker who somehow turns every meeting into a TED talk, the politician who'd sell their grandmother for a vote, that's the bread and butter of normal humour, but crossing the line and bringing in gender stereotypes is hurtful, not necessarily because others think it's about them, but because they can feel like an "unwanted target", or "collateral".

What if the nice waitress bringing you drinks hears you talk about how that other woman did X because she's a woman? How would she feel? What if the dad lovingly giving a piggyback ride to his little girl overhears you saying that men have no emotional intelligence whatsoever? This doesn't seem like it can harm others, after all, it's just jokes, but it does. And it spreads, as humour always does, to people who either take it too seriously, or not seriously enough.

Words have power. Ideas, even bad ones, are hard to stop. Making the world better starts with thinking: "What would a stranger feel if I say or do this?" If the answer is: "it will brighten their day", go ahead! Ok, but in reality it probably won't. A "neutral" reaction is usually fine, you can't make everyone happy, believe me, I tried. The goal should be not to make the stranger feel smaller. Let's all try to be better people! I know I have a lot to learn.

And, as an extra for tonight, here's a silly little joke from me: "What did 0 say to 8? Nice belt!"